The wheels won’t stop
Yo guys. Long time no see! Which is actually my fault. I never felt like posting anything here, my life continues in the same old way it ever did…it follows Murphy’s Law. But well, whos life DOESEN’T follow those rules at least for a part of his/hers life. So I managed to walk through the city with a smile on face, just like in the good old days when I didn’t care about my future.
You don’t wanna know something about my life? Please quit reading and tell me what you don’t wanna earlier in the future.
As most of you know(at least the ones who follwed my blog), my lovelife is pretty fucked up. And I’m not talking about the “I can’t find a girlfriend”-behaviour. I actually have a girlfriend, who I really love. That’s sometimes even worse than being single. Especially when she’s gone since March 23 and cant really communicate with me. Actually our relationship was damned to fail from the start and I got warned a hundred times. The stupid me never listened and I had a really good time with her before she had to go. She ensured me that she would be able to phone me, but she didn’t even responded to my SMS. In the first days after she left, I planned to search her witch an acquaintance, but we screwed the plan since the chance to find her wasn’t that big, and even if we could have found her, we wouldn’t have been able to do shit. As the time kept going I didn’t want to believe that she will be gone forever. Then after a long time of being alone I almost broke up with her in my mind. I couldn’t. I always imagined her in my mind. Her being sad. I promised at the beginning that I won’t be the cause of a breakup. All rational feelings aside, I kept on going waiting for her return, and I got gifted (by god?). She managed to talk to me for some minutes. Even if it’s not much, it helped to calm my feelings and bringing my feelings back to how they were. Since then we are only able to talk to each other once or twice a month for some minutes. And it doesn’t seem to change in the near future.
Everything else that goes wrong in my life seems small now, but I don’t know if I’ll ever write about them if I won’t now.
Simple thing: I have no friends. At least it feels like that. For about 3 or 4 years I changed my school/workplace/whatever about once every year, I hate the behaviour of most people around me. So over the time I made myself an outsider. Normally I’m OK with that. But there was this very guy who is in the same class like me. We were always together in school. He meant a lot to me, even though I have the feeling that I mean less to him. Whatever. He has to leave us because his grades aren’t good enough to go on further. So I’ll be the outsider I’ve ever been. Even though some people sometimes invite me to eat with them. So I think this might be much less worse than I feel it is.
A big thanks to all the people who read through this whole wall of text. At least you show some interest in my person. Oh, I never told you how I’m still able to smile. It’s not even a hard thing. Music. Music is the thing that never leaves me alone. That’s always with me. That makes me happy, when I wanna be happy, yet makes me sad, when I want to be sad.
Whew, I wrote a lot up there and I don’t know how long it will take, till I feel like posting again. Goodbye readers.
